Ashley

Man school sucks. Im in school right now, and Im so bored. I wish I was at home in my nice warm bed sleeping. I voulunteered to tutor at the middle school on mondays and wednesdays so that should be fun. woohoo. Well Im going to go call my mom and let her know...shes gonna be really thrilled.

Yea, why is everyone in Holly High School soooo gay?! You cant walk through the halls b/c there are couples playing a game of tonsil hockey all over the frickin place-talk about GROSS-. And why do all these people think they're better than everyone else..what b/c their daddys rich and pays for all of their shit..hah! Id like to see them in 10 year, paying for everything themselves..lets see them shop at abercrombie then..but wait, they wont be able to fit in it anymore b/c they'll be so fat from having 3 kids! And I cannot stand this stupid people that think they're making a point by dressing in black and painting their lips and nails black as well. NEWS FLASH- YOU ALL LOOK THE SAME- and they think theyre being "indiviualists" hah fat chance. They look like morons! Your too scared to touch them with a 10 foot pole rather than run into them in the hallway. So we have to take the loong route around the office to get to our classes. And then there people who dont take showers or wash their hair because they think theyre making a statement at well, well the only special attention their getting is everyones talking about how much they reek and no one likes them. and they wonder why "everyones out to get them" ITS CUZ YOU FUCKIN REEK ASS HOLE! Well..thats all my ramblings for today..I wish people would just get a fuckin clue!

Hey! Me and kylie are at my aunts house- and her computer serously rocks my world. I love it. But yea anyways, Im really mad because me and Kylie wanted to hang out with adam and STEVE -adam wanted to but steve didnt. Im seriously so ticked. Why does he have to be a big wiener. We just wanted to have a little fun and hang out with our friend Steve (hence the word FRIEND)...yea. But seroiously. we want to go bowling...well only for the fench fries actually. It sucks that neither of us can drive. Man..wish I had my license! GRRRRR MOM! lol....oh yea, and listen to this! My aunt and uncle don got a new computer b/c their old one sucked and they had tons of problems with it. Well, whenever they had problems, I always came over and helped them out with it. Well today, my sister was there and asked for their old computer, and Im sorry but I should get it. I asked for their older one too, but I didnt get it. Now what makes her think she can go over there once and get it! Im seriously SO pissed! Heather gets everything from my parents, and now everything from the other family. I hate her guts. I HATE HER> Thats all I have to say for now. See ya!

and I also wanted to say how in love I am with my boyfriend, Adam. He is my whole life, and I want to let him know that nothing will EVER change that. I love you so much baby and no matter what happens, know that Ill always be here for you and Ill always worry and care about you forever and ever. No matter how far away we were.

It had been a long time since Ive written in here, I found it kind of more of an inconvenience than a fun thing to do, but I think differently now. I just made a life changing decision today, and I really hope its the right one. I went through a spiral of different emotions before I decided to do this. I had to think about everytthing, about my family, how it would change their lives, about my boyfriend, how it would affect our relationship, but then while I was thinking, I realized that this had to be about me, and no one else. I mean, I know that it would change everyone elses life, as well as mine, but how my life would change had to be the first thing I had to think about. I love my family, and my boyfriend more than life itself, and Ive come to find out, that they support me 100% and Im so happy about that. I went thinking that I was just going to take a physical to get my options and concider going, but instead, I came out knowing that this summer, would be the most important and significant summer for my whole life. I think that it was the best decision that I could have made. Its awesome knowing that your someone who gets to say that they defend their country. Even if you dont actually go to Iraq and defend your country, its awesome to be able to say that your a part of that. This is such a life changing event, I kind of have to sit back and sink it all in. Its like being able to look at the USA and say, someday, I may get to defend our freedom, and thats one of the greatest feelings that I have ever had in my entire life, and I have no way to express these feelings but to write about them, because if I talk about it, I think Ill burst. This is such a great feeling, I hope everyone can feel this way at least once in their life, because its wonderful.

It was one of those days today...I went to sleep at 11 last night...got up at 3 and then I couldnt sleep..no fun at all. I called the school hotline like 45 times, and then I fed my fish..then I got something to drink..then I played with my hamster, then at like 4 I tried to go back to sleep..and I couldnt. I just kept looking out my window praying for like 4 inches of snow to just fall out of the sky at any instant. But..it didnt..and I hated it. I finally fell asleep..dont know what time...all I know is that I woke right back up at like 5 and I had my alarm set for 5:30..then I set it back to 5:45 so I could sleep 15 minutes longer..you know thats a long time when you think about sleeping. So yea, I got up at 5:45..took a shower..got ready and went to school in my new truck..well..my moms new truck..but its mine in many ways..lol. School was fun..and today I decided that I spend too much time with my boyfriend. I mean..I love him, and I love spending time with him, but I need to spend more time with my friends. Im a junior in High school and I dont hang out with my friends...just my boyfriend..so thats gotta change. But yea..school was good..I made plans with a bunch of my friends today..and Im hopin Ill get to hang out with them more often now. I talked to one of my friends that I used to be fighting with, we talked about the funny times we have had..and we were cracking up in english when we were supposed to be reading..so we lost credit...but not My best friend finally broke up with her bf that didnt like me b/c of this huge thing that happened (long story) and Im hoping we'll become friends again. The only thing i didnt understand aboutt hat situation, was that I could never get that mad at her and stop being her friend no matter what she did. We have been friends for 14 years now. We spent every second together before..she was my favorite person to hang out with..and then she was just gone..over a guy. I never thought that that type of thing would ever happen to us. We were too close...but now it has happened..and Im hoping it will all just pass. Well... I have some homework to do..and Im takling to my other best friend online...so..later.

Yea, today my little sister woke me up at 7:30!! I was so mad..but anyways...we got up and opened presents. It wasnt the best christmas Ive ever had. I felt like I was missing something..I dunno..maybe its just me. I need to just think about stuff..Im so confused about everything right now. I need someone to talk to, but then again, I dont wanna talk to anyone. I dunno...I just need to take a break from everything, and figure this all out..well..were going to my aunts...Hope everyone had a wonderful christmas!

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I dont understand all this...Im so confused! I cant get it through my head...through my heart. I dont want to..its too painful. Just the thought of all this depresses me. I need you to be here..how can you not feel the same?! Im so distraught thinking about you..its all I think about..day and night..night and day and I get get over the thought of it. Its christmas and Im lost for words. I took some pills to sleep b/c I dont wanna think. But then I dream of you...I just wanna shut you out of my head, and of my heart. I think I got the whole head thing worked out, my my heart still aches..help!

My uncle came over today...well...he's still here. Hes talking to my mom about army stuff. He got to come home for christmas! Governor Gradholm brought his whole troop home! whoohoo! Im so happy..anyways..my whole family was here today, and I had to give almost all of them pedicures and foot massages and manicures and hand massages and I even gave my little cousin a bck massage. and my hands arent even tired. Im used to it cuz my grandma used to make me give her massages all the time. Well..Im gonna go spend some more time with my uncle before he goes home. Im sure Ill write again later..if anything interesting happens.oh yea..and x-mas is tomorrow..yay! I cant wait!

Last night I stayed the night at Adams house and I went to borders and got a book for myself for x-mas. Then, today we got up and went to the mall and got x-mas presents for my sisters and my parents. Katelynn is so weird..so I got her inscents and this wierd thing and a thumb ring...yea shes wierd..and then I got Heather and Necklace and a little box thing with an H on it. The necklase had an H on it too. I got my mom Victoria secret spray..omg today they had a huge sale that you could get 6 things for $30! I wanted to go shopping there for myself sooo bad..but I had to get gifts so..yea..that sucked. But, I actually like giving gifts more..I like recieving them..who doesnt?..but I like giving them even more. I love to make people happy..especially my family and friends. I always get so anxious about them opening them tho, thats why I cant go shopping alot of time in advance, cuz I know Ill give the gift to the person early..yea..ex: adam got his gift like a month early cuz I got it a month early..but mistake. I got him a gift card for AE, and we just happened to be at the mall..and happened to be in AE and I just so happened to have his present with me..hmmm..what a HUGE coincidence..haha. Yea. BIG one..lol. Well..Im gonna go wrap the gifts since Im finally home alone to do it.

yes! Finally christmas break! Ive waited for this for 3 weeks now! This was the longest week of my entire life! It went by so slow! When I went to school today, there was absolutely nothing to do. No tests or quizzes, no homework..it rocked! I cant wait to get all my presents for christmas...and hopefully I get a PS2! I saw this Karaoke revolution game on TV and I want it sooo bad! It rates your singing and everything. Im so pumped. Buy besides that, today was the best. I gave all my teachers their presents, and then I got the best present then I have ever gotten in school! It was better than all the presents that Ive ever gotten from my friends all put together. Dont get me wrong, I loved all the other presents, but this one touched me so much! It was only a card, and it made me so happy. I cried during lunch I was so happy. It was really amazing, and I just want to let that person know that we will be firends for a long time! That was the sweetest thing that I have ever read in my entire life! I was truly touched, and Ill never forget it. Yea, today was awesome...I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe christmas!

Love you all, Ashley

okay! I HATE MY MOM! she belongs in a fucking loonie bin! Not running around where she can hurt someone! She is fucking nuts. I have never hated anyone more than this in my entire life. Infact, I dont think that I have actually ever "hated" anyone. So, this is obviously a big thing. When people are over, she puts on an act..a pretty good act too. she could be the next julia fucking roberts! I hate that bitch more than anything, and I know that someone out there is saying..ohh your being harsh. But try to live with a real live PSYCHO for a day and see what you say then! All she ever does is scream and yell, and she is the most immature person in my house! and she worhips the ground that heather walks on! Heather is a BITCH! She calls my mom every name in the book..take me her....get me this..get me that. and my mom of course, does whatever heather wants! i bet my mom has taken mitch (heathers bf) more places (to the HS for b-ball practice, to his house at 10 at night on a school night-ohh yea no joke) just so heather wont get mad at her. She always complains about how when she was younger, her mom spoiled her two brothers, and my mom hated them for it...well..its like that with heather. I hate heather b/c shes a bitch and b/c she gets everything she wants and I get nothing. i thought i was gonna get something that I wanted, Iw as going to go to new york..I started fundraising the money on my own..but no..some butt hole in our school has to steal the money, and so now my mom wont let me go..b/c im too irresponsible she says! FUCK HER! She needs to be locked up! Not only that, but shes taking that money out of my x-mas money that Im supposed to get ($30) and then the $75 out for the deposit that she paid ( non refundable) out of my money too..so if Im lucky ill get about $30! and on top of all that,Im not going to New York. I told my choir teacher about it today, and I think that she thinks my mom is nuts too..well if she thinks that, shes damn right. Whenebver I talk, my mom just gives me a diry look. Oh yea, and earlier today, she asked me to go to the store with her b.c she didnt wanna go by herself..so I said yea, and then when katelynn got home, she left me here and took katelynn to get stuff for school (cookies and stuff for school) and I needed that too..soo when they got back I told her, and she said "oh well..you should have come with me, Im not goign back now" when she had asked me to go, and she left without me when I was in the bathroom! so now, Im not bringing anything to school..and she just doesnt care. I HATE HER! Im gonna stop now before i get really upset!

Omg, my mom is so retarded! She tried to tell me that I couldnt get online b/c I was grounded cuz me and heather were fighting (were both supposed to be grounded) and heather is at her boyfriends house as we speak..yea..talk about GAY!

Yea, why are there sooo many stupid hookers in our school? This Molly chick, who barely knows me walks by me everyday and calls me a slut..do I want to turn around and beat the shit out of her..yes..but the real question is..can I? NO!! When I hear her say it everyday, I just wanna turn around and bunch her in her face..her and TROLL. Last year, I went out with this guy, that "breanna (troll)" liked. He didnt like her at all..so she was wayyy jealous..so I dont care about what she says, shes ugly anyways..lol she looks like rumplestiltskin! lmao! Seriously, him ran over by a bus..and thats her. Shes short, and seriously should be posted on uglypeople.com! But Molly, she just plain pisses me off! Im seriously gonna beat the crap out of her! Oh well..let her say it again,Ill just turn around and seriously "pummel her ass" hehe..adam..haha..love you babe. Okay, im done now. Man..and Im really horny!

~*ash*~

today wasnt half bad. I really dont like school very much..but thats okay, I do good in it. I cant wait until christmas! I get to spend so much time with Adam ( my boyfriend) and so much time with myy friends. I feel really bad tho, because I promised Kylie I would come over today, I had soo much homework that I didnt have time until like 7, so I just decided to stay home, the roads are bad anyways, and I didnt call her. I should have at least call her, but sometimes she can make me feel really bad, when I dont mean to hurt her feelings..so I just didnt call her. Im sure shes gonna be pissed, but that good thing about her is, she always gets over it. I just feel really shitty. I should have at least called her. Im such a jerk sometimes. I cant believe I did that. Im gonna make it up to her somehow. Ill but her something sweet. I dont know what yet..but maybe it will make her feel a little bit better if I bring her a surprise tomorrow and then maybe she wont be mad at me. I have to get to school b4 her tho. Damn, Im a good friend when I try..hehe..well..Im out..tired.

yea...my life generally sucked last night. My sister and I got into a huge fight, Adam and I were in a huge fight, and on the top of all that, my mom and I were fighting as well. I yelled at Adam, realized I was wrong, and then my mom wouldnt let me call him to apologize b/c me and my sister were fighting. I was so upset last night to the point where my head was pounding and I was throwing up. Ive never been that upset in my whole life. Last night could have been the worst night of my entire life. I love Adam soo much, and I he hurt me really bad. I never thought I could hurt that bad, but I did. Then, I said some mean crap to him, which just made me feel worse, even if I was right, I felt like crap!Then, I couldnt call him back and patch things up. Then, when he called..I coudlnt talk b/c my mom said I had 2 mins..you cant talk in 2 minutes. I had to hang up with him, and thats when the getting sick started. I hate my mom, seriously. No matter how nice she is somedays, it will never make up for how mean she is other days! I HATE HER! Okay..maybe this journal thing can be put to good use.

Sometimes I dont feel like anyone cares. My mom drives me nuts, my sisters a biatch, and my little sister barely even talks to me. I also try to talk to an old friend..and he doesnt even talk back. I feel like I did something wrong to make him hate me, but I didnt. I didnt do anything to him, and I feel really bad about it. He could at least acknowledge that I exist...but no..he just doesnt say anything..and then eventually he blocks me..how COOL is that?! Yea, really cool. Do I seriously come off as a bitch or something..? I try to be nice to everyone, and people change. I dunno..Im done for today..Im too depressed to write anything else.

today..was the blood drive and it was painful. The lady was seriously trying to kill me! I almost passed out, they all rushed over, I had to breath from a paper bag and they put a cold cloth on my head. It was SO embarassing..i felt like such a wimp. But then I got home and I got to talk to my boyfriend whom I love SO much. Hes so perfect. I cant believe hes with me..and not some other lucky girl. Im so lucky and so in love..but besides that..Im excited cuz Im getting good grades..and I got a 99 on my gov't test..which was very hard. I am loving life...well except for french club today..I had to tase cheese that smelled like stinky feet...and then I found out that it TASTED like stinky feet smelled...you know how that happens. And just so everyone knows..I am SO smart..Al made me believe that they were taking my blood to make people that live forever. Man I am so dumb! Where do I get this dumbness from?! ahh! Oh well..Im tired from all the blood loss.

Im really bored today..and I dont know why. Im tired and kinda in a bad mood. Please dont ask me why, cuz I dont know. I had soo much homework last night and Im soo tired! I think I might have to go take a nap. Its mostly my fault Im tired...I stayed up watching "Just Married" last night..till 12~ Man, I cant do that again. And I saw Troll today..man is she U-G-L-Y!! and Im gonna kill this girl in my choir class if she doesnt shut her trap. Shes so annoying!! ...but like I said..Im in a bad mood..Im going to take a nap! But I love my boyfriend so thats always good...